~c0nfessi0ns~

21 January 2010

2010-01-21T13:37:00.002+08:00

its into the 21st day of 2010.

i welcomed 2010 with a whole load of projects on hand.

2 more projects to go and i can have all the fun i want.

tired. i just want to close my eyes and fall asleep.

18th October 2009

2009-10-18T00:04:00.002+08:00

Dedicated to my sister, Lydia.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY in advance!

school's starting like tml. dread school but looking forward to see my friends at school. misses! school this semester is at Tourism Academy @ Sentosa. Awesome!! looking forward to that place but not the foreign students there. oh well. ok. gotta sleep now. bye!

looking for the strength that i've lost.
will you be my pillar of strength?

16th October 2009

2009-10-16T09:17:00.004+08:00

it just hurts so much more.

how much longer you want to keep things from me?

dont i have the right to know?

who am i to you?

you lied.

how many more times you want to lie?

i dont know how much time it would take for my wound to heal.

i dont know how long can i last anymore.

all i want is for you to tell me the truth.

how much longer are you going to hide from me?

why was i so hostile to your friend(s)?

i dont know which of your friends are really just your friends

and which are your friend-turn-scandal-turn-friend.

your agreement with her still stands, doesnt it?

if i let you go, you'll go back to her.

wont you?

jerk!

not just her.

there are many others.

dont you agree?

how many more scandals you want to have before telling me?

telling me the whole truth?

or i'm just another of your unwanted scandals?

just a play thing cause its something new to you?

i'm holding back.

i'm just waiting for you to tell me.

i wont say till you tell.

unless, you love me no more.

tell me if you love me no more.

i'll say goodbye and turn away.

walking this road alone,

is nothing new to me.

14th October 2009 (Part 3)

2009-10-14T22:48:00.002+08:00

so scared.
scared of losing you.

tell me
what must i do
to not lose you

things
that i want to tell you
but i don't dare
because i don't want to hurt you

P.S I LOVE YOU

14th October 2009 (Part2)

2009-10-14T16:46:00.002+08:00

from all sources that i gather, i came to a conclusion.

ALL GUYS ARE JERKS

maybe that's why some girls choose to remain single all their life. not because nobody wants them. and maybe that's why my mum psycho us not to get attached and married, and have kids.

nevertheless, even we know that they are jerks, we naturally fall in love with them. and because we fall in love with them, we fall into a trap that only we ourselves can get out. no one can help us. who to blame? only ourselves.

i want to tell you alot of things, it is just i don't know how to put it across to you without hurting you. if it has to be one to be hurt, i would rather be the one.

14 October 2009

2009-10-14T00:18:00.000+08:00

NIGHTMARE

whenever i close my eyes, i'll always recall the same things every now and then. the same pictures will follow into my head, getting clearer by nights. it is always you and another girl. and it is always a different girl but the same scenario. every single time, no matter how i try, how i beg, you will always leave with them. every night i would startle awake from that dream, wondering would this ever come true. if it does, what wrong have i done to deserve this?

it pains me every night. it makes me wonder everyday how true would this ever be? but i tell myself, this would never happen because i know you love me. but if fate decides if our relationship would take this path, i would just walk this path and suffer on my own.

i would rather that i suffer alone, than both suffering. pain. what is pain to me now? the worst pain i have suffered before, but would this be worst? i dont know. i just wonder.

if you are really true to me, you will let me know. i'll forgive and forget your wrongdoings, all because I LOVE YOU. but just this time. don't ever let me find things out on my own, because by then, i really don't know how much can i take in and control.

in a relationship, both parties must be truthful to each other, am i right? if you are hiding things from me, and vice versa, then what's the use of being in a relationship? just be friends will do, wouldn't it be better?

maybe i'm walking on a lonely road, waiting for you to join me to continue this road that is ahead of us, someday.

if you don't want to keep me company throughout this journey, let me know. i'll continue it on my own.

yes i'll suffer, but i'm afraid that you would too, which i would not want.

tell me, maybe the nightmares will turn into SWEET DREAMS afterall.

13 October 2009

2009-10-13T21:54:00.002+08:00

is it just me or somethings really going wrong?

maybe it is just me. being too tired and stuff after running around each day.

anyways, school is starting next monday. and yes! I'll be in Sentosa studying. AWESOME!! =)

hais. dun noe what else to blog for now. no mood to do so.

25th September 2009

2009-09-25T16:24:00.002+08:00

I'm out from hospital, coming to a week already.
craving for alot of food. but firstly, maybe instant noodles first.
haha. oh well, the swell is getting smaller. may not disappear in such short while.
getting hungry every now and then. perhaps every hour maybe?
cant wait for the rubber bands to be removed asap so that i can resume to normal human eating behaviour rather through a syringe. so not much things to eat lars. only water.

I'm getting better,fyi. from feeling like throwing up all day to now jumping around, i think is my sugar level too low. having lots of ribena now. haha.

argh! i really wish i can remove the rubber bands now. I WANT TO EAT!!!

*in no order*
instant noodles
sashimi
la mien
tomyam
buffet
dim sum
pizza
pasta
seafood
sweets
chocolates...
and MORE!!

basically EVERYTHING THAT I CAN THINK OF!! ahh... couple more days before can remove rubber bands. cannot talk + cannot eat + cannot drink = DAMN IT!! SUCKS

just cant wait for the rubber band removing day comes!!

9th September 2009

2009-09-09T23:41:00.002+08:00

another 8days and i'll be admitted to the hospital for my surgery.

I WANT TO SPEND MY LAST 8 DAYS EATING!!

sometimes i feel weird. these few days been not being myself. i'm thinking of alot of things.alot of what ifs. and i'm making myself feel very awful. sometimes i think if i'm making the right choice after all. i feel that maybe somethings aint working out and windering why am i continuing all these. and all of these are making me damn sad and worried. hais, maybe i'm just thinking too much. but, there are facts supporting all these. oh, i dont know.

all i want is what every girl wants, A HAPPY EVER AFTER.

can someone tell me will i ever get my HAPPY EVER AFTER?

27th July 2009

2009-07-27T10:20:00.003+08:00

its my 200th post, and this is dedicated to, practically, everyone.

I MISS EVERYONE (in no order)

Joycelyn
Nina
Wayne
Lydia
Stephy
Maisie
Novi
Limin
Kevon
Nat
Melmel
Jennifer
Levi (Ah Boot)
Nana
Rahman
...and more (just so lazy to type all out)

ya..everyone but baby(dun be sad baby, cus everyday ii'm seeing eu). but yea, ii miss everyone out there. ii wish ii had the time to meet all of eu once agains like old times, especially joyce, nina and wayne. ii miss my old team of bitching around, AWESOMEkrew.

but now, ii just got to study and study hard and smart for exams cus its coming really soon.

today is test for BESE and wednesday is TTOps. got to really study and memorize every single piece of shit.

SSM - ii hope ii do not screw it up. ii'm placed with the top people in SSM, Siqi and Steph L. they are really great and nice people. overall, ii love my SSM team of Wednesday. =)

okok. got to go study now. LOVES!!

(M.J, you'll never be forgotten!)

16th July 2009

2009-07-17T07:42:00.002+08:00

about 24hrs of no slp. actually no lars. i fell asleep for like 30mins last night den wake up again. keep chionging projects and stuff. and what's more, OB project ii settle everything myself. like what the hell.. the thing is ob group members all is year 1, if they screw up for me this sem, i'm totally screwed. can forget about coming back to school anymore. but ii dun wann..

heck care projects and stuff. they come and go. but ii love this course to the max, even though ii hate the school, but ya.., ii have my friends around. i love my friends. *dear, me loves eu too!!* but ya. ii wann tu stay in school!!

ok.got to prepare for marketing presentation now. SORRY to my marketing group cus ii know ii didnt do much and ii'm always not there and stuff. SORRY!!

baby,thanks for being there for me, always!
me loves you baby.

10th July 2009

2009-07-10T00:45:00.002+08:00

sorry baby. didnt want things to turn out this way today. i know i lost my cool and calmness todaym should not have done so. i hope you understand baby, at least of all people. so sorry for everything. i know you tried your best and want to give me everything, or at least comfort, but i am the one who keep ruining it. I SHOULD CHANGE THE WAY I AM NOW. baby, i am so sorry about everything. i am just not so focused these days, i realised. sorry, cause i know by what i did today, i have caused more of your work being piled up. thank you for helping, or should i say DO my work for me.

OMG! i do not feel like myself anymore. ITS TIME TO CHANGE or i will forever sink into this big hole that is lying upon me.

these are the people i should say sorry to:
1. KELLY and rest: for not doing my part for the project and keep handing in late/last minute work
2. Lionel and rest: for not passing on to you things and delaying in parts of the project
3. SSM group mates: for not performing to my best every week and dragging all of you down
4. BABY: for getting a earful of scolding from mummy earlier all because of ME.

FOR ONCE, everything is finally my fault. SORRY is the least i could say and the least that i can do is to PULL UP MY SOCKS and work harder to strive for better results.

sorry for everything, especially to baby who has always been by my side and getting all the screaming and shouting from me, all the nonsense tantrums and stuff. i am really sorry!!

26th June 2009

2009-06-26T11:09:00.002+08:00

my mind is just not here. ii've been wondering off too much and ii really need to focus now.

yesterday was just damn crappy. ii guess this would be the last time ii would help out of my kindness.

thank you baby fer being by my side and not giving up on me.

20th June 2009

2009-06-20T09:19:00.001+08:00

i'm back for about a week now. lots of photos taken in Perth, and lots of nice and sweet times were shared there.

photos will be posted soon, should be on FB, and a few here.

oh well,

i simply just love the boyfriend!

5th June 2009

2009-06-05T19:31:00.002+08:00

how i wish this was only a nightmare, waking up to a perfectly perfect day.

only 3 more days left, and i'll be off to PERTH with the boyfriend.

this hols, i'm definitely LOVIN' IT!

2 june 2009

2009-06-02T08:58:00.003+08:00

somehow, i just wish to disappear from this world so much, from everybody's life. the things that i have gone through has caused me so much unbearable pain.its just so disgusting. i just don't understand why cant i just let it all go. the only thing i will lose from this disgustingly painful world will be the people around me, who cares and loves me. but maybe without me, their life would be better, much better without this annoying, attitude problem girl.

i think i should just go...

01 June 2009

2009-06-01T23:54:00.003+08:00

TIME

if only time can be turned back,
i wish for all the ugly things to be undone.

if only time can be turned back,
i wish that i have done all the right things.

if only time can heal,
i would not want you to be hurt,
definitely not by me.

if only..

everything is "if only".
but time cant be turned back.
i'm sorry for the mistakes that i have done.
i'm sorry for all the wrongs.
only if i could turn back the clock,i would not want to make the same mistakes ever again.

I'M SORRY!

i trust you.i love you.i want you.i want to be with you.i cant lose you.
you are the only one that i want to spend the rest of my life with.

27th May 2009

2009-05-27T17:52:00.002+08:00

I'M FLYING UP INTO THE SKY!!

it really feels great when someone praises you on something.
this something is really a big achievement for me.

looking back into the SSM Boot Camp week, i really think that i can do really well now.
come to think of it.
for someone who cannot carry the dinning plates during practice and even broke down into tears because she was really frustrated with herself, to now being able to clear all four dinner and side plates in one trip. WOW!! i'm really super happy.

MR GOH EVEN PRAISED ME TODAY!!=)

it really made me fly up into the sky, literally.

ok. tell you more next time around. BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY that i cannot stop talking.

#just hope the boyfriend do not mind the chatty-ness.

22 May 2009

2009-05-22T09:49:00.003+08:00

MORE THAN WORDS.

pages. paragraphs. sentences. letters. alphabets.

words are just words. they mean nothing if you don't put any actions to it.
but even with actions, sometimes it is empty, it just don't show. why?

it's the trust you have with the person who is saying and putting those words into actions.
but sometimes, those words, those actions, those trust just seem so meaningless.

trust is not an easy thing to build. once lost, to re-build is tough.

i have experienced that, and never want to lose that trust anymore, because, i can't afford it anymore and that i know what the consequences are.

*baby, i love you. i trust you.*

my best time spent for the past couple of months was spending it with the boyfriend. he has always been there for me no matter what happens and always have been my listening ear, and my cushion(??). oh well, no matter what, the boyfriend is always the best and even if he is not the ideal perfect boyfriend, i still love the boyfriend.

Thank you for being there, as always. =)

14 May 2009 (2)

2009-05-14T15:14:00.002+08:00

SUPER-WOMAN

girls are more..HARDWORKING?
i suppose.
girls are more acceptable to.. CHANGES?
i assume.
girls are more..COURAGEOUS?
i presume.

but i guess i aint in any of these categories.
hardworking? maybe
acceptable to changes? very
courageous? maybe

but i cant seem to find myself confidence anymore.
i'm proud of who i am, what i have found, what i have achieved,
but i'm just so afraid to lose them all.

previously, i wasnt like that. i was full of confidence.
but why am i lacking in that now?
so damn pathetic.
damn it!

14 May 2009

2009-05-14T10:44:00.003+08:00

BGR

unknowingly, 6months have passed.
and being with eu everyday, surprisingly,
has not been boring or should i say, i have not been bored out.
6months. long enough to gain a trust of someone.
but i dont understand one thing.
as time flies by, i'm losing my self-confidence.
i have always been confident in what i want to do,
what i want to achieve, and who i want to be with.
but, i'm so afraid of losing eu to others.
"dont be silly. i'll always love you."
that's what you have told me umpteen times.
but is just that i have the fear of losing you.
i dont know, but all i know is that i love you so deeply,
that i cant afford to lose you.

consider that "throwing" myself at you?
maybe. but you are one other person that i really and truly love in my whole entire life.
i'm so used to think ahead in life.
but now, i dont even dare to predict what will happen in the near future.
why is that so?

anyways, darh-ling,
I LOVE YOU.

12 May 2009

2009-05-12T17:44:00.002+08:00

SCHOOL!

sch ended sometime ago.
went lab to print all my ssm stuff and managed to complete printing every single piece that i need within an hour. *yeppies!*
while, suppose to go lecture with kelly and sophia,
but was still printing notes so, had to pass it.

oh well, lab's closing now.
gotta run!
update more tonight.

what's behind those eys that i have to unveil to find out?

11 May 2009 Monday

2009-05-11T22:48:00.003+08:00

I MISS...

1. kittyn
2. nina
3. maisie
4. stephy
5. kevon
6. limin
7. novi
and many others..

these are the people i really miss alot.
the times we've spent together can never be replaced.
i enjoyed the joy and laughter we created.
the atmosphere that can never be re-created.

yes.there are others too that were part and parcel of these events.
but still, the above mentioned are people that i have not spent time with for very long.
long meaning, since school started/re-started.

i long to meet all of you guys again,
and try to re-create the times that we've spent.
i miss you guys a "dozen-million" lots.
i mean it!!
_________________________________________________________________________

LOW SELF-ESTEEM & CONFIDENCE

is not that i feel that you dont love me.
is just that i dun noe when will it be the time that i'll lose you.
i'm just so afraid. do you know?
i just think that i'm not worthy of you.
i'll just think and let my thoughts run wild.
i wont tell. but i'll only cry myself to slp.
honestly, i know i am over-sensitive.
but i just cant help it. its so uncontrollable.
yes i love you. and its a challenge for myself.
i need to cope and control what i think is uncontrollable.
i just know that every second that i'm spending with you,
i'm blessed and happy.

7th May 2009

2009-05-07T23:31:00.002+08:00

ytd went to ECP to meet darh-ling and pick the kids up.
took the bus from sch to Parkway and walked all the way to where Big Splash is.
the kids were really fun to be wif.
they bring the laughter to each and everyone.
its so forward looking to pick them up each day.
oh well, but being wif them makes me feel,... damn old!! (ZOMG!)

while walking the underpass across to ECP,
ii suddenly had the urge to take a photo thru the concave mirror.
but when ii looked thru the mirror,
it felt so ....... ..... .... .. .

EMPTY!! =(

I MISS AWESOME KREW!

>stephy, ii miss eur naggings
>maisie, ii miss eur AWESOME-ness
>limin, ii miss eur auntie-ness
>novi, our one and only NO LINK president
>kevon, eur bitchy-ness

made new friends, but nothing feels the same as when ii'm wif eu guys.

dear, thanks for tolerating my nonsense.
ii really dun noe what to do without you.
would you ever leave me, ii would not know.
but ii really treasure everyday spent with you.

24 Apr 2009

2009-04-24T09:08:00.002+08:00

Wonders... i'm i starting to annoy eu?
are you getting sick & tired of me?
if yes, just let me know & i'll take one big step away.

i don't think i know how to treasure things around me.
i always take them for granted.
but why? i know i am not that type of person.
but why am i behaving in such a way?

maybe you've found other new interest already.
i dun know. i feel that there are many things you are hiding from me.
but i don't dare to ask, 'cus i don't want to disappoint myself.
i don't look for high hopes,
but just spending each day with you will be more than enough.

oh well, maybe it does not affect you at all.

22nd Apr 2009

2009-04-23T00:24:00.002+08:00

ZOMG! it's lyk the first post i ever written fer the month of April.
so much things, so little time.
sch has started, things are moving along quite fine.
but, still have so much things to do; re-scheduling of my timetable.
however, that's not the important part. (how could one say sch is not an important part, rites?)
yea,yea..eu mus be thinking that i mus be going mad.
perhaps.

at times i question myself, am i worth for all that eu are doing?
i'm glad that i have eu by my side,
but am i hindering your other chances?
or am i eur only choice?
irdk.
i'm more than elated to spend each day wif eu.
that's more than i can ask fer.
i dun dare to ask fer more, jus spending each 24hrs wif eu.

time to sleep now. nites!

31st March 2009

2009-03-31T08:27:00.002+08:00

time really flies. and we dun spend much time together. literally.
everyone's busy with their own stuff, and more stuff.
if i could rewind and stop the clock once more,
i would want to rewind and stop it at the best of times that we've spent together.
i really miss the fun and wonderful times with eu, the joy and laughter.

to joyce,nina and wayne, friends for life.

20th March 2009

2009-03-20T23:25:00.002+08:00

thanks to those that came..
and those that send in their wishes..
__________________________________________________

the PARTY was a blooper.
but the overall chalet wasnt.
thanks to the boyfriend being there with me throughout.
me loves the boyfriend lots.
__________________________________________________

the boyfriend doubled up as a BANGLADESH worker,
carrying all the stuffs that ii buy.
the boyfriend also doubled up as a CHAUFFEUR,
sending me up and down, to wherever ii need to go, wann to go.

...but the boyfriend doesnt deserve to do all these.
me dun deserve the boyfriend to be nice to me.
"Sorry boyfriend.."
me really loves the boyfriend alots..
__________________________________________________

this chalet was a really a lesson fer me to wake up..
it showed me the boyfriend really is there fer me when ii needed him.
and it show me nxt round, NO CHALET and stuff.
me only need one thing, THE BOYFRIEND..
__________________________________________________

hais..ciao fer now..

SORRY THE BOYFRIEND. EU DONT DESERVE ALL THESE NONSENSE!!

18th March 2009

2009-03-18T11:04:00.002+08:00

hola my friends..

a short and quick update!!

_______________________________________________________________

Event: MY 19th BIRTHDAY
Date: 18th - 20th March 2009
Theme: ~~BACK TO SCHOOL~~ BLACK-WHITE PARTY
Venue: Aloha Changi ; Neatheravon Terrace A

**BBQ night is on the 19th March 2009
_______________________________________________________________

BUSes from Changi Village Terminal: 29 (3rd busstop from terminal)
BUSes from Tampines: 29
BUSes from Serangoon: 109

**if eu think eu're lost, give me a CALL!! -eu should hab my number!!-

that's all people. SEE YOU AT ALOHA CHANGI!!

3rd March 2009

2009-03-04T00:50:00.004+08:00

updates!!..
__________________________________________________

i missed OTC refresh cus of work!!
therefore, i hab dropped out of F.O this year.
but, rites now, work is my nxt other commitment other than sch.
cus I LOVE MY JOB!!
__________________________________________________

other day went tu vivo tu mit up wif mel_ho.
went shopping and bought 2 clothings fer myself from MaryJane.
-AWESOME!-
and ii'm save keeping the dresses till..
god-knows-when will ii wear it.
but the clothings were really awesome.
was impressed with the clothings ii picked.
_________________________________________________

-sigh- ok. my darh-ling and ii hab been tgt fer, officially, about 2mths now.
plus, its never been more than 24 hrs that we are apart.
-ii do hope ii'm not boring him out!-
but coming to think of not beeing able tu see him or sms him fer TWO-and-A HALF days,
-OMG!!- ii think ii'll bore myself tu death.
hais. oh well, like he says, its time fer me tu GROW UP!
-but ii dun wan tu..tehehes-
oh well... wil miss him alots.
__________________________________________________

ok. shall not blog anymore fer now.
cya peeps!

AND DO COME FER MY BIRTHDAY CHALET!!

@ NETHERVAN TERRACE A from the 18th-20th MARCH.

more updates on my birthday thing soon.
___________________________________________________

darh-ling,
ii'll miss eu fer the days eu aint wif me.
ii'll promise tu take good care of myself.

25th Feb 2009

2009-02-25T09:25:00.002+08:00

wooO hOoo.. the holidays are here!

AWESOME! :) but not that awesome as well.
-shall not touch on that touchy part.-
oh well, will miss 1H12 so so much.
__________________________________________________

holidays here, xams over. finally a breather, when ii thought ii could.
oh well, in a dilemma, but ii should solve it on my own.
hais. maybe its just ME. just dun hab enough FAITH in myself.
or maybe ii just hab ZERO FAITH in myself.
well, its just me. the sensitive and nonsensical thinking of me.
whatever, ii dun care. cus its just me, like it or not, take it or leave it.
__________________________________________________

ok. shall stop here fer now. cya!

12th feb 2009

2009-02-12T13:13:00.002+08:00

its so demoralizing to study fer xams now.
*i nid my motivation to study!!*
to score well for OB, ii nid another 92/100 for my main xams.
so demoralizing.
there's no motivation for me to study hard anymore.
confirm will flunk this semester.
______________________________________________________

i nid my motivation to study.
you will be there fer me rites,
no matter what happens?

11th Feb 2009

2009-02-11T23:02:00.002+08:00

loves spending time with eu.
and it has been always,
that's why ii dun feel sick and tired being with eu ever since the day we got tgt.
everyday, being able tu see eu,
it really brightens my day no matter what.
________________________________________________________

but what eu told me jus now,
really sent my heart crashing.
eu CHASED me away,
and wif that tone,
tu me, it seem as though eu dun wan me anymore.
why? did ii do something greatly wrong?
ii'm really sad.
ii dun noe where tu pick my shattered heart up.
ii dun noe how tu piece the broken pieces up.
now, ii dun tink ii'm good enough for eu.
why am ii feeling this way?
ii noe ii wan eu alots. but why this way?
ii really cant figure it out..
jus tell me if eu wann me no more.
_____________________________________________________

it is eu that brightens up my entire life.
eu're my everything.
do eu noe that?
ii dun want tu gib eu up.
cus ii noe ii cant live wthout eu.

6th Feb 2009

2009-02-06T19:54:00.002+08:00

thank god everything's over right now.
I JUST WANT MY SLEEP!!
*omg! i've just realized how haggard i've grown and eeks! all the dark rings are out.*
_________________________________________________________

Awesome Krew had been so great.
and its really fun being wif eu guys.
i just dun want it tu end.
*oh..I [so] HATE THIS PART.*
_________________________________________________________

finally..all the projects are done and over wif.
now, its time for me to start concentrating on my main xams.
i'm going to start my revision lyk rites now.
no more last minute work for ling alrdy.
*damn! its really damn shagg.*
_________________________________________________________

overall, my days hab been really great.
thanks to AWESOME KREW and darh-ling.
*lovesloves all*
dun noe what i would do wifout eu guys.
_________________________________________________________

slacking in sch now.
going mit darh-ling later.
tml still hab work.
i just do hope dad doesnt ban me from work.
cus i'm so loving work rites now.=)

ok.gtg. leaving sch wif lun.
lun having driving. muahahas.
but she going pass it way before me.
*it sucks!boo...=( *
_________________________________________________________

thanks darh-ling for being there for me.
i dont know wad will i do without you.
you are the only one that can make me smile,
and cry.
you make up the other half of me.
i love you darh-ling.
forever and ever.

30th Jan 2009

2009-01-30T00:12:00.003+08:00

tears fall upon hearing this song.
it will always be our's.
______________________________________________________
You're always on my mind
All day just all the time
You're everything to me
Brightest star to let me see
You touch me in my dreams
We kiss in every scene
I pray to be with you through rain and shiny days

I'll love you till I die
Deep as sea
Wide as sky
The beauty of our love paints rainbows
Everywhere we go
Need you all my life
You're my hope
You're my pride
In your arms I find my heaven
In your eyes my sea and sky
May life our love paradise

You're always on my mind
All day just all the time
You're everything to me
Brightest star to let me see
You touch me in my dreams
We kiss in every scene
I pray to be with you through rain and shiny days

I'll love you till I die
Deep as sea
Wide as sky
The beauty of our love paints rainbows
Everywhere we go
Need you all my life
You're my hope
You're my pride
In your arms I find my heaven
In your eyes my sea and sky
May life our love paradise

I'll love you till I die
Deep as sea
Wide as sky
The beauty of our love paints rainbows
Everywhere we go
Need you all my life
You're my hope
You're my pride
In your arms I find my heaven
In your eyes my sea and sky
May life our love paradise
______________________________________________________
*i cant really concentrate without you

29th Jan 2009

2009-01-29T23:10:00.002+08:00

from being top of the world, i have fallen back into the arms of Satan.
i am not worthy of your love anymore.
hate me if you must to forget me.
in every single way, you mean everything to me.
it is you that makes my world go round.
thanks for letting me fall in love with you.
thanks for letting me know that i ever had someone who really loves me that much.
thanks for everything that you have given to me.
you are one that i will never forget.
...that i will never forget the wrong that i have done to you.
...that i will never forget the hurt that i have inflicted on you.
...that i will beg for your forgiveness, and not hope that you will ever forgive me.
i don't know what else to say...
i only know that life has really brightened up after i known you.
leaving you has brought my life crashing down.
sorry is not enough.
nevertheless, SORRY for every stupid thing that i have done.
SORRY for hurting you.
SORRY for disturbing your peaceful life.
SORRY..
SORRY...
SORRY....
the number of times of SORRY will not mend the bridge that has torn apart.
but i do hope you will find a new bridge to start your path anew.

28th January 2009

2009-01-28T10:11:00.002+08:00

ok. so tentatively the date fer the BBQ will be on the 19th March 2009.

and STRICTLY...

NO CAKE!

ii just so hate "CAKE FIGHTS"!!

____________________________________________________

ok.so after the CNY'09, PROJECT DEADLINES ARE UP!!

*SHUCKS* ii'm so dead...!!

INVITATION!! 23 Jan 2009

2009-01-23T19:23:00.003+08:00

INVITATION!!

hi all my lovely, adorable, sweet darh-lings.

here's the outline on what's happening on in MARCH!!

_________________________________________________________________________

Event: My 19th Birthday Party

When?? : 18th - 20th March 2009

Where?? : Aloha Changi Neathervon Terrace A

Theme?? : BACK TO SCHOOL**

Who?? : YOU!YOU!and YOU!!

Other Information?? : Wondering if you can stay over? YES YOU CAN!*

* if you are thinking of going to OCH, DONT come back to the CHALET!!

** Complusory ANY school attire/uniform will do

Please do contact me if you want to know more details via my tagboard or email tannyi@hotmail.com

______________________________________________________________________________________________

ok. so the ACTUAL date of the BBQ has not been decided yet.

it will be based on MAJORITY on who can make it on which date.

REALLY DO CONTACT ME AT LEAST 1 WEEK IN ADVANCE IF YOU CAN MAKE IT AND ON WHICH DATE!

thanks.that's all fer now.

21st Jan 2009

2009-01-21T22:53:00.002+08:00

PROJECTS UNDER CONSTRUCTION!

and ii'm planning to burn the midnites oil tonites.

____________________________________________________________

tons and tons of projects to complete before Chinese New Year arrives.
-most prob welcoming the new year wif my pile of projects-
oh well, tt's my results fer storing all my projects at the end.
____________________________________________________________

first thing first.
sorry darling.
morning insisted on wanting tu mit up wif eu.
had tu made eu re-schedule eur plans fer today.
at the end of the day, still didnt mit eu up.
and eu had tu re-re-schedule eur plans.
sorry darling.
really have no appetite to eat anything now.
and ii wont be sleeping for tonites.
-maybe fer awhile-
____________________________________________________________

secondly,
sorry fer not updating blog.
its PROJECT, PROJECT, PROJECT, and more PROJECT
so time now spent is wif the boyfriend and project.
-except fer mondays' lunch wif melmel-
____________________________________________________________

ok. better put my brainless head back into my HUGE pile of PROJECTS.

*loves eu all and advance wishes fer CNY*

15th Jan 2009

2009-01-15T23:48:00.002+08:00

wah. a relieve at last.
today's the last session of doing flight arrivals at Changi.
tml ii'll be at the Marina Mandarin Hotel and F1 'pad' club.
*yuppie!!* finally no nid wait at airport lyk toopid idiot alrdy.
___________________________________________

had dinner wif darling at Marine Parade there.
bused home from dher. not too long a bus ride though.
-ii always thought busing tu and fro marine parade was long-
anyways, now home alrdy. heading tu bed soon.
miss darling lots. dun noe wad ii'll do without him.
*nites fer now*
a long day waits me tml.

14th Jan 2009 (part 2)

2009-01-14T23:10:00.002+08:00

thanks dear fer taking the long bus ride wif me home,
even though eu hate long bus rides,
and that eu are tired.
ii noe eu are trying tu pry what has happened,
but it is jus words cant come out.
it unlike me cus wad ever ii wan tu say will jus come out,
but facing eu, sorry but the words jus come out.
if eu tink ii'm mad, ii can tell eu,

YES, I AM MAD. MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!

ii'm jus afraid. afraid wad will happen if ii lose eu.
cus, eu're different. ii'm willing tu hurt myself instead of hurting eu.
ii noe eu wan tu share this with me, but ii jus cant help it.
ii jus cant hurt eu anymore.
sorry. sorry if ii hab tu hide away from eu.
ii'm afraid tt ii'll be the one hurting eu.

14th Jan 2009

2009-01-14T11:28:00.003+08:00

now ii'm afraid if ii love eu more, ii'll hurt eu more.
do eu understand?
ii rather ii'm the one being hurt den eu're.
____________________________________________

let me put it this way,
if there is a cross-fire, and eu're about tu be shot,
ii would take tt bullet fer eu, with no regrets.
____________________________________________

ii dun noe. maybe ii'm jus not the right girl fer eu.
ii'm not the perfect one tt eu hab in mind.
ii hab lots of flaws, eu noe?

13th Jan 2009 (part 2)

2009-01-13T19:54:00.002+08:00

hearing eur voice, ii could feel the smile in my heart lit up.
but was it something tt ii said/do wrong tt made eu raise eur voice?
tt lil raise, eu may not note.
but it does break tt smile into pieces.
ii shall not say more.
it does hurt me.
coming or not, eu choose. ii cant decide.
________________________________________________

*ps ii (really) love eu

13th Jan 2009

2009-01-13T14:10:00.002+08:00

in school lyk rites now. slacking the tym away.
tonites should be able tu hab dinner wif darh-ling.
but ii hab tu be at the airport.
-arrival of the delegates- and last flight is arriving at 2115hrs.
*gosh* and will be at the airport till 2200hrs.
-damn!shouldnt hab volunteered today.-*wacks head*
________________________________________________

ok.suppose tu do project now, but not in the mood tu do anything at the moment.
the rest are doing it, and ii feel so bad not doing anything. *damn*
_________________________________________________

ok.ii should get my head back into the project now. cya!!

12 Jan 2009

2009-01-12T23:23:00.002+08:00

are all guys so fucked up?
ii jus dun understand.
________________________________________________

jus read nina's blog.
the way ii hear how ken's treating her, ii dun tink his worthy tu hab her.
playing lan and heck care the girlfriend. *WTH??!*
is this how eu're supposed tu treat eur other partner?
if my darh-ling ever do this tu me...*BIG SLAP* across his face man.
________________________________________________

anyways, brunch had wif melissa at vivo.
*KFC* hahas. and was really super filling.
*gosh* hab tu go dieting. everyday eating so much.can barely fit into my clothes.
after brunch, headed down tu sch fer lesson.
after lesson, went tu look fer CM. -thanks maisie fer going tu look fer her wif me-
LOA wasnt approved, most prob taking MC or jus pon and leave a ABSENT mark in records.
after which, headed down tu Toa Payoh fer meeting fer the event over the next 4 days.
*huh..*-den ii cant mit up wif darh-ling.-*sobs*
meeting was over at 7.30pm.
headed down tu meet melissa agains.
had a lil chat wif her, den went back home tu meet darh-ling. *lovesloves*
had dinner wif darh-ling at coffeeshop, den went up.
*yea* -and ii had my mango pudding tt dad bought specially fer me- *thanks dad*
-loves mango pudding alots.-
___________________________________________________

most prob wont be seeing my darh-ling fer the next 3 to 4 days. *sobs*
cant behave lyk kiddo at event. -darh-ling always say ii lyk kiddo-
hab tu usher international delegates from arrival hall tu taxi stand.*blehs*
so nxt few days ii'll be lyk mad girl wif lil rest time.
-cant be unglam-
___________________________________________________

ok. so, ii'll miss my darh-ling very badly. *almost crying*
cus ii everyday miss him lyk siao, but at least at nites still cann see him
however, these few days, cant even mit him fer dinner. -sadded-
ii'll miss him, but ii gotta learn tu be INDEPENDENT! *yea on a lighter tone*
___________________________________________________

now, awaiting fer his call den ii'll put my (empty) head on my flat pillow.
-it got flat cus ii've been using it fer years now.-

nites fer now. misses all.

11th Jan 2009

2009-01-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

last nites went fer jiamin's bday at downtown.
darh-ling sent me dher after work.*loves*
____________________________________________

anyways, didnt wann tu come home today.
loves spending tym wif darh-ling.
anyways, last nites had a dream.
was it a sign or not, was it good or bad?
ii dun noe.but ii jus dun wann tu say cus ii'm afraid it will come true.
____________________________________________

now awaiting fer darh-ling's cor.
dun noe wad tu blog either.
*sigh...* p.s. i love eu
____________________________________________

good luck to all o level students.

8th January 2008

2009-01-08T00:32:00.003+08:00

I DUN LYK EU!! cus I LOVES EU!
_________________________________________

darh-ling brought me to Marche to hab dinner.
*lovesloves*
loves eu not cus eu'll bring me tu xpensive places tu eat,
its cause...hmm,
dher's no xplaination fer tt, but its definitely not cus of eur MONEY!
_________________________________________

anyways, going slp now. if not darh-ling will scold me agains.
_________________________________________

one last thing before ii go off,

SORRY DARH-LING!

fer kip disturbing eu at work.ii'll not do it agains.PROMISE!

4th January 2009

2009-01-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

maybe ii'm not fated tu hab eu by my side.

leave me if eu wan tu.

ii mean it.

at most my heart will turn icy cold and stone hard.

at least ii wont hurt eu anymore.

3rd January 2009

2009-01-03T23:32:00.003+08:00

160th post...and it's CONFESSION!

-and ppl, finally ling has learnt tu drop a tear.-
isnt tt so sad?
__________________________________________

ii'm so sorry tt ii'm unable tu put it across in words thru my mouth.
ii'm so sorry fer having eu tu read it from here tu noe wad's on my mind.
ii noe the numerous of sorry is norts enuff.
it really hurts eu, ii noe, and ii dun mean tu.
it does really really hurt me tu see eu getting hurt by me.
ii really dun mean fer things tu go the way it is.
ii really didnt wan tu do it.
ii really dun noe wad got into me tu do it.
ii really didnt mean tu lie tu eu today.
ii really do mean wad ii say fer other days.
ii really do.
ii really really do...
ii really really do want eu.
ii really really do love eu.
ii really really dun wan tu do things tu hurt eu.
ii'm really really really so sorry.
_______________________________________________

but if eu really wann tu gib up hope on me,
please kindly do.
ii really really can bear tu hurt eu anymore.
please gib up on me if eu wan tu.
really.ii mean it.
________________________________________________

SORRY.

and now eu're the only person ii would tear fer...

and the tear shows me how much eu mean tu me...

and it shows me how deep my affections are tu eu...

and this tym...the sorry,

ii really really really do mean it badly.

this tym, ii'll shall leave it tu eu tu decide...

tu wan tu let me go or norts.
__________________________________________________

2 Jan 2009

2009-01-02T08:40:00.002+08:00

hellos tu the new year!!
_________________________________________________________

ok.so everyone's back tu sch today.
but it seems lyk such a lazy day tu go back tu sch jus fer one subject.
MICROECONOMICS! -blehs-
oh well. sch is sch. play is play.
__________________________________________________________

a brand new start tu the year.
new year, new wishes, new wants.
-on top of those wishes tt aint fulfilled last year.-
ii'm left wif less den half a term tu be wif my 1H12.
after this term, we all hab no idea who will be in which class
and who will be tgt in the same class.
-hopefully, not much and big changes.-
anyways, thanks tu OTCW and sub-comm camp,
ii noe more ppl rites now
and ii'm super glad ii do.
__________________________________________________________

ok. should really pause all my thoughts rites here.
hab class tu head tu.
rites now seated outside classroom.
cus ii was super early tu sch.
8.10am ii was here alrdy.
-many thanks tu mum!!- *loves*
__________________________________________________________

SLEEPLY HEAD BOYFRIEND STILL SLEEPING!!
-oh well. tt's my boyfriend tt ii loves muchies.-

31st December 2008 part 2

2008-12-31T21:34:00.006+08:00

这一年的最后一天，不管在哪儿过，只要你在我身

边，我已心满意足了。
___________________________________________________________

ii recall the days when the group of us wanted tu go countdown.
in the end, it ended wif us counting down at one of the carparks of hougang.
-hmmm..interesting, but true.-
ii do reminisce the past, when all of us were tgt.
so fast, another year has flown by.
many thanks tu those who had made 2008 a memorable one fer me.
-whether good/bad, sweet/bitter.-
many thanks tu those who had been by my side when ii nid a listening ear.
words and actions can justify my gratitude.
fate has brought us tgt tu xperience the sour/sweet/bittter/spicy way of life.
how and wad we wan tu xperience, is moulded by our hands.
thanks fer moulding my life into eur's.
___________________________________________________________

now, ii look forward,
looking forward tu wad the new year has tu bring fer all of us.
looking forward tu whose other lives ii would be moulded into.
looking forward to who else would share the sour/sweet/bitter/spicy way of life tgt.
no matter how forward lookin ii'm, ii would never forget the people in the past who had gone thru the way of life wif me thru my 18years on earth.
-yeas, everyone has contributed in a way or another.-
___________________________________________________________

this new year,
my only wish,
-other den my studies.-
... ...shh.. cant tell or it wont come true.

this new year,
my resolution is,

.. .... 1) to study harder!

2) to play harder!

3) to open up even MORE!

4) to LOVE darh-ling even MORE!

5) ~~and to make darh-ling~~ ~~LESS ANGRY~~. =P
__________________________________________________________

once agains,

GOODBYES 2008!

HELLOS 2009!

31st December 2008

2008-12-31T00:29:00.002+08:00

last day of the year.
hmm...
thinking of what tu do..
well it doesnt matter cus as long ii can spend the last day of the year wif darh-ling can alrdy. *loves*
_________________________________________

30th had dinner at IKEA wif darh-ling, his brother and sister-in-law.
hmm..MEATBALLS dher are really nice.
-now ii noe why joyce loves tu go dher jus tu eat.hahas!-
_________________________________________

hmm..ok.ii tink ii should jus watch my show and stop blogging fer now.
*loves*
_________________________________________

LAST DAY OF 2008!!

MAKE IT MEMORABLE!!

DESTINY/FATE LIES IN EUR HANDS!!

30th December 2008

2008-12-30T13:33:00.002+08:00

now in lab NUA-ING!!
-wahahas.super slacker-
oh well. nothing tu do till 4pm.
so now in lab wif maisie, kev and steph(viritually).
___________________________________

hmm..
last nites had dinner wif darh-ling and his friend, adeline.
dined at CHOMP-CHOMP.
food...?hmm...relatively nice but look quite unglam lars.
after dinner, darh-ling sent adeline back first den me.
-darh-ling so nice.-
ok.nice is nice. but he told me something tt..hmm..
-how tu put it?- oh well.
he told me both him and adeline made a pact:
"if both are single at 30, we shall marry each other."
hmm...sounds wrong cus aint this one shall not tell his/her other partner?
oh well, at least he's honest wif me though. *loves*
___________________________________

melmel called me last nites.
told me bout things bout her current status.
-well girl, dun read too deeply into things. it may jus turn out really simple.-
no worries girl, ii'll always be dher tu be eur listening ear.
well, practically, ii tink ii'm everyone's listening ear.
___________________________________

hmm..ii nid more pctures up on blog.
ii tink it's too WORD-Y alrdy.
hmm..trip tu Msia pictures are still wif darh-ling.
-gotta steal tt cam over!! ooops!-
___________________________________

okok. shall end here now.

counting down 2days more tu 2009!

and ii'm going fer the countdown at MARINA!!
-yippee!!-

29th December 2008

2008-12-29T15:05:00.003+08:00

BACK TO SCHOOL!!
and... ...
ii handed in my project 24 mins LATE!!
-what the hell!!-
okok. cann only blame myself fer doing things at the LAST MINUTE!
-so people, dun do things at the last min, please!!-
came tu sch at 9am jus tu hand in the project.
everyone left fer else where cus proper lesson starts at 2pm!!
______________________________________

ok. so after handing in project, headed tu vivo tu mit melmel fer lunchie.
-we had Long John and mel paid fer my lunchie, cus ii no money alrdy*-
*hints: people who owes my MONEY, please return it tu me asap.*
lunchie wif melmel was really nice, cus we catched up quite alots.
-congrads mel on finding eur PRINCE CHARMING!!-
after lunchie wif mel, bus-ed down tu look fer darh-ling.
-ii very free hors. cus from 9.30am to 2pm is a very long way.-
but hors, tym spent wif friends and darh-ling always passes by so quickly.
cann ii SLOW down the tym when ii'm wif them?
ok. so made darh-ling eat "EARLY" lunchie.
but was all the way tu TAMP.
-hahas. cus initally wann tu go Sim Lim but missed the exit so darh-ling say send me tu sch.*loveseu darh*-
darh-ling dropped me at bus-stop, den ii go sch, he go Sim Lim.
________________________________________

now in sch. BCS lesson. learning Dreamweaver.
-something tt ii've learnt years ago. so kinda sians.-
its good tu be back in school wif FRIENDS.
but ii jus hate lessons.
its jus so CRAPPY.
but days wifout darh-ling is lyk HALF-DEAD!!
________________________________________

3more days tu 2009.
ii gotta make tym out fer friends (in no order of merit):
joycelyn & nina
melmel
and more...
den darh-ling will hab tym fer his soccer agains.
________________________________________

gotta run now.
byess!!

29th December 2008

2008-12-29T00:43:00.002+08:00

hola!!
the year is coming tu an end.
tym really passed really fast tis year.
come tu think of it,
ii didnt really do anything this year.
the only thing tt ii think ii did rite was tt,
hmmm...
finding the right guy whom ii think ii may wann tu live the rest of my life wif.
oh well,
if eu do read my PM on msn, ii think its clearly stated.
______________________________________
ok.gonna slp now.
darh-ling "scolding" on the other end of the line.
*loves*

25th December 2008

2008-12-25T22:10:00.002+08:00

MERRY XMAS people. =)
_________________________________

celebrated xmas out of town and ii'm back. =)
*loves*
celebrated with family and darh in johor.
*twice the loves*
_________________________________

first thing first,
glad kittyn's back tu blog.
*triple the loves*
_________________________________

nothing much tu say.
pictures taken during the trip will be posted.
*hmm...*
_________________________________

fer this year, ii'm grateful fer what ii hab...
-in NO order of merit-

joycelyn, nina, and darh-ling.
*loves tu the MAX!!*
_________________________________

21st December 2008

2008-12-21T09:32:00.004+08:00

OTCW 2008 RAWKS!! -woOhoO!!-
_________________________________

no fret! although HOLQA didnt get first
its norts e positioning, but the xperience tt we've all gained,
and things tt we've learnt from one another.
soOooO...
HOLQA's still the BEST!
_________________________________

camp was really great.
and its the first camp tt ii finished a NIGHT WALK!! -three cheers tu me! :P -
ok lars. is thanks hab MAHA tu accompany me,
den oso thanks tu the four guys tt protected us, the girls, from the 'GHOSTS'.
ya,honestly was frightened lars. but norts as frigthening as LS's night walk.
but ii missed all the fun in the noon cus ii went out fer driving lesson.
-awww...so sad lars.-
_________________________________

so in the end, everyone lyk slept at 4.30am.
ii think ii slept quite early cus was superb tired.
den woke up lyk at 6.30/7 am in the morning.
-cant slept lars. cus was really cold.-
_________________________________

3rd day had games. -water activities-
and most of the time my butt is "norts very the DRY" lars.
-isnt it lyk supposed tu be NOT dry??-
hahas.ok.ii'm jus laming.
so after water activities was HUNGRY.
-it is a game to know the sch better lars-
after HUNGRY was FINAL CLASH!! -woOhoO! HO arhs!-
although final clash we didnt win,
but we had lots of fun.
_________________________________

lunch...was absolutely FABULOUS on the third day.-AWESOME!-
but we only had limited/short tym tu eat.
so lunch was kinda rush.
_________________________________

ok.tym now is lyk 9.36pm.
so long since ii've last typed whatever was above.
-hmm.toopid hors?-
ok lars.think will jus stop blogging here fer now.
more updates soon.
-anyways, ii still in camp mode, so still lyk very zi-high(ing) lars.bear wif me yea?-
*loves y'all*

19th December 2008

2008-12-19T01:20:00.002+08:00

wow!! OTCW rawks.
hahas. ok.
HOLQA is the BEST larss..
-ok.zi-high(ing) here.-
_________________________________

though norts grouped with the rest,
dher were many tt ii noe in HOLQA!
had fun today.
hoping nxt 2days of OTCW will be either equally as fun/more fun..
updates to come after OTCW!!
chaos.
*loves*

17th December 2008

2008-12-17T17:18:00.003+08:00

keep making mistakes after mistakes.
should all these mistakes actually happen?
all ii noe how/what tu do after mistakes are made are that tu norts make the same mistakes agains, and tu make amendments for the mistakes that ii've made.
_________________________________________

today made darh-ling angry cus of toopid mistakes tt ii made.
its kinda toopid cus ii should hab told him about it first, regardless of his position at work,
but ii didnt. -isnt tt toopid enuff?-
yea, and since ii've realised it, been doing lots of toopid things lyk banging my head against the wall and stuff.
-ii dun freaking care how much stupid-er ii can get alrdy, cus ii'm toopid enuff tu make this toopid mistake.-
_________________________________________

went wisma tu get earpiece changed, didnt check if had warrenty card before going down.
plus if had warrenty card, didnt "wrote" down the date of purchase of item before heading down.
-there! another toopid mistake ii made. ARGH! (bang wall)-
_________________________________________

after wisma, told darh-ling tt ii going over tu safra.
didnt call, but msged.
reached safra, sat outside 7 eleven there,
others saw me.
-there! another toopid mistake!! (bang wall X many times)-
__________________________________________

all tis mistakes shouldnt be made.
why am ii so toopid tu make all these mistakes,
and all these mistakes make darh-ling angry?
OMG!! why am ii so toopid?
from supposed tu be a nice/pleasant thing became a nightmare that happen in reality.
__________________________________________

OMG!!WHY AM I JUST SO TOOPID??!!

16th December 2008

2008-12-16T23:43:00.002+08:00

for two days in holidays, went work at darh-ling's place.
_______________________________________________
ytd left work early tu go jennifer bdae at yatch club dher.
was late. knew mel was angry. *really very sorry mel*
anyways, stayed dher awhile den left wif huiyee,caiyan and rest.
den darh-ling came over tu pick me up at tamp mrt dher.
-didnt noe darh-ling last tym stayed dher-
den supposed tu hab dinner at upp thomson,
but dad demanded me tu be home,
so reach dher only den go home.
never had dinner untill at hse downstairs cus dad wanted tu tok tu darh-ling mahs.
______________________________________________
ok.so today left office wif darh-ling, jack and shai early.
den headed tu upp thomson tu hab our dinner.
darh-ling sent me home early cus he wann me be gd girl and he hab tu finish he work stuff at home.
so was home pretty early, but nua-ing and stuff.
hahas.
______________________________________________
okok.

I REALLY WANT GO HOLIDAYS WIF DARH-LING

but dun noe when and wad xcuse tu gib mum and dad.
OMG! how??

14th December 2008 part 3

2008-12-14T23:36:00.000+08:00

ii jus hoping that things will go as ii hope it will.

I WILL PATH MY OWN ROAD

AND HAVE DECIDED NOT TU GIVE UP!

ii will not let fate/destiny decide fer me.

*darh-ling, ii wan tu be wif eu forever.

14th December 2008

2008-12-14T16:26:00.001+08:00

one word.

DISAPPEAR

*ask no further question.

14th December 2008

2008-12-14T09:24:00.002+08:00

_________________________________________

ii tink ii did a really bad thing ytd.
ii noe ii shouldnt hab done it,
but, once agains, its really tough.
ii now really promise it will be the last tt it will happen.
_________________________________________

maybe ii should jus start giving whatever ii hab now.
it is the hurt ii feel at times that ii tink ii wont be able tu hang on any longer.
the hurt, but unable tu cry it out.
ii'm becoming emotion-less.
ii tink by giving all up will hurt lesser people ard me.
ii dun noe lars.
its really all so confusing.
ii no longer wan tu hurt him anymore.
unknowingly, ii tink ii hab hurt him time and time agains.
giving up should be hurting him once and fer all,
and that he may find someone better than me bahs.
maybe living off single is the kind of life fer me.
ii dun noe. ii jus feel so down and confused inside now.
_____________________________________________

I JUST WANT TO QUIT* RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE.

*everything, from habits tu life.

10th December 2008

2008-12-10T15:41:00.002+08:00

ooO..
ii'm gonna fail my mid-sem tests.
fcuk! nothing could be registered in my brains, fer god sake.
how? ii'm gonna be so dead meat.
__________________________________________

anyways, one thing tt ii should be happy about is tt ii've PASSED my FTT.
-and its only on my first try on FTT and ii've passed; so yea me-
__________________________________________

so my holidays begin now. -oooO...so happy.-
but ii'm kinda lyk sick.
darh-ling ytd said ii looked pale in the evening.
wanted tu head down fer a swim today,
but dun wann tu cus ii wann hurry up recover!!
den ii cann go fer holidays wif darh-ling.
__________________________________________

these days darh0ling will be very very busy wif work,
cus one of the 2 girls jus gotten her ass FIRED,
and another last day is on fri.
-poor darh-ling-
anyways, gotten myself on standby fer darh-ling,
-jus incase he nid me ard tu help/work.-
(yaya.everything fer my darh-ling as long as he treats me nice/nicer each day.)
__________________________________________

gotta hab one day freed up fer melissa ho q.w
hab tu do something wif her fer someone. =)
ii tink ii may hab negalected my friends fer darh-ling,
but ii really do hab them in my heart although ii hardly meet them up.
__________________________________________

ok. now slacking at safra MF, and waiting fer darh-ling.
jus dun feel lyk going home lars.
its not me lors.
even last nites homed early and slept early,
dad knew something norts rites wif me lars.
he came ask me is it ii sick and stuff.
-thanks dad.-
__________________________________________

ok. going do other stuffs.
cya.
*oh ya. melissa h.q.w, eu never respond tu my calls and sms! -humph- *

5th December 2008 part 4

2008-12-05T23:42:00.002+08:00

boo! 0(._.)0

home now.
mood still lil sulky.
dun noe why. but happened jus after dinner.
hais.dun noe lars.
in the end think oso made mel upset too.
anyways, yupp. tml hab FTT.
hab tu slp early.

cya.

5th December 2008 part 3

2008-12-05T11:53:00.002+08:00

guess its tym fer me tu disappear.
-really-
e feeling is so fcuked.
ii should learn tu listen, SHUT E FCUK UP, and leave
making things less worse off fer everyone.

but one thing ii jus dun understand,
ii told her/him everything, head tu toe,
why did her/his story came out different?
as a friend, ii tell eu.
but why doing all tis shit?!

#$%^&*(!@#$%
really,
I MUST LEARN TU LISTEN, SHUT UP AND LEAVE
-fcuk, ii'm jus getting myself into more shit.-

5th December 2008 part 2

2008-12-05T11:35:00.003+08:00

BOO! 0(._.)0
back tu blog once agains.
hahas.
ok.in library now. slacking, not studying.
-darh-ling is gonna kill me. hehes-
__________________________________________

mid-sem test is 4days away,
and ii haven started on a single shit yet.
-OMG!! ii'm gonna fail big tym.-
later heading tu darh-ling's office tu study-cum-help.
but mainly focusing on studying.
tis week aint gonna swim. STUDY first.
if norts come tu sunday work, ii'm gonna DIE big tym.
__________________________________________

ok. tml ii hab a major test on the line.
my FTT (Final Theory Test) fer driving.
ii'm gonna take tis ONCE.
-ii swear.-
__________________________________________

ok.better study FTT now.
*lovesloves*
-awaiting fer darh-ling tu finish his meeting den go fer lunch.-
it's norts a everyday thing leis. =)

5th December 2008

2008-12-05T09:57:00.002+08:00

BOO! 0(._.)0
_________________________________________
hahas. ok. ytd didnt blog cus didnt hab e tym.
spent tym wif mel out fer dinner at kallang's KFC.
had a lil probs along e way. -well, it's solved though.-
_________________________________________
mel's gonna be kinda busy these couple of days,
cus e interns are out on a holiday.
-quite last min though.-
anyways, they didnt confirm anything wif mel, me or erna.
-quite complex; long story.-
mel telling me norts tu worry bout the office stuff.
-hmm, how norts too??! its worrying bout mel norts office though. hehes-
_________________________________________
ok.now in tutorial lesson.
will blog more after sch.
hab tu concentrate!! 0(>.<)0

3 December 2008 part 2

2008-12-03T22:58:00.003+08:00

how toopid cann a boyfriend get when e girlfriend is equally as toopid?
_________________________________________________

had dinner wif mel at s'goon central.
really happy tt he's making tym everyday tu mit me up fer dinner.
-ii feel so loved. thanks darh-ling-
was really kinda angry when he never ans my fone.
-but ii noe he was really busy today.-
ii understand cus the new girls really do make alots of mistakes and he's really pissed wif them.
ii do understand tt.
-poor darh-ling-
ii really wann tu help him, but...
-hais..dun noe lars...he jus dun wann me in e office lors.-
_________________________________________________

anyways, loves my silly boy lots. =)

3 December 2008

2008-12-03T15:06:00.002+08:00

in lab now fer geo travel.
saw "my" hot bod guy tt haven seen fer since tis sem.
-yea me!! but ii still love my gone case bod guy. =) -
ok. mood fer discussion aint dher.
________________________________________

why?
"it" came earlier den xpected.
but good thing is tt it's mid-week alrdy.
so yea. not affecting my week tt much. =)
________________________________________

ii dun noe.maybe cus of "it" ii'm feeling super sensitive.
-ii think-
ii'm trying my best tu be optimistic, but it keeps going back tu me thinking tt he is finding my calls/msgs irritating.
cus its lyk can feel tt his tone has lyk changed when he answers e calls.
-but maybe his jus busy; duh...-
okok. jus being sensitive.
ii gotta chill. - yea, jus chill.-
________________________________________

ok.today will be staying in sch till quite late.
hab OTCW briefing this evening.
it's lyk starting at 6.30pm and ending at lyk latest 8pm.
so... yea. will be home late agains. -lyk duh..-
________________________________________

ok. ii should jus get my head back into discussion.
cya. -and ii'm really CHILLING!!-

lyk wad maisie will say, "awesome, right" =P

2nd December 2008

2008-12-02T15:43:00.003+08:00

last nites dad had a talk wif me agains.
-cus ii've been home late so often-
anyways, told him ii hab a boyfriend.
-will be bringing him home fer dinner on sun.-
ii doubt my parents will reject him,
cus tu me, he's wonderfully perfect.
but even if my parents reject,
ii still wann him and still love him tu e max,
cus... in e future, it would be ME marrying him NOT my parents.
=) -dear, ii love eu.-
_____________________________________________

ok.now in sch.
BIZ Park.
had my cheese fries. lyk jus only.
tt's fer my lunchie.
today after consultation,
will be heading down tu ECP wif groupies.
-yeas, tu do project thingy, not tu nua.-
_____________________________________________

ok. should stop and head fer consultation.
cya. will blog more l8r. =)
*loves*

1 December 2008

2008-12-01T14:29:00.003+08:00

in class rites now. hahas. LAB. =)
_________________________________________
mid-sem is coming soon.
and ii hab only 2 papers fer tis sem.
-ooO. so happy. =) -
really hab tu study hard fer tis 2 papers.
plus its 2 subjects tt ii dun really lyk.
mirco-econs and OB.
-sigh-
anyways, ii'd be lyk totally free on the 10th after 2pm.
-wahahahas- last paper ends at 2pm tt's why.-yea-
__________________________________________

ok.when holidays are here, ii think ii'm going holidaying wif mel.
-yeas- but we dun noe lyk where tu go at all.
hmm. KL or Bintan? hmm..
anyways, should be going on the weekdays,
cus mel hab lessons on weekends, so dun wann tu distrub his lessons.
-norts fair tu the lil kids rites?-
anyways, if things go as planned, we'll be off on the 15-17th.
-maybe longer if ii hab the MONEY!!-
if go KL, ii wann go shopp!! @ Petaling Street.
-Ooops. sorry. eu gotta put up wif my shopping spree den. =P -
___________________________________________

someone help me think of a place tt can go and enjoy.
Thailand is definately NO! NO!
-politics!although both of us wann tu go dher so much-
ok. study first. *ii mus discipline myself fer tis week*
____________________________________________

30th Nov 2008

2008-11-30T01:30:00.002+08:00

______________________________________________

ytd went wif mel tu orchard to do some shopping.
went tu taka and bought a set of men's belt and wallet.
it was bout $59.90.
ii noe its a lil cheapo, but it's the thoughts that counts rites?
well, its fer xmas. so ya. its fer some random lucky guy tu get it.
-gift xchange mahs.-
was quite pissed off during shopping though.
______________________________________________

headed over to SAFRA fer a swim ytd.
things chilled out after a swim.
but why did some irritating person tu come spoil it agains?
anyways,after swim, when over tu potters' tu do some work.
after tt, went fer dinner wif mel after his work, which was bout 9pm.
dinner wif him over at my hse dher the coffeeshop.
called mum, supposed tu ask her fer early transcation of allowance.
but she told me she was at one of the aunties' hse at hougang.
decided tu head over, mel dropped me off.*lovesloves*
and ii ate more. much more. and drank 3 glasses of red wine.
-guess ii was really tired, in the car K.O-ed and slept all the way in the late morning after waking up at bout six/seven-ish in the morning.-
______________________________________________
are all guys such a creep?
hmm. well guess its only meant tu be one guy in my life tu be one.
well, if eu wann tu cor me a BITCH,
say it straight lars, dun go one big round and shoot me cann?
anyways, things are over.
let this happen tu me only once and fer all.
______________________________________________

ok. today met up wif mel fer lunch over at vivo.
ii noe she's kinda quite mad at me cus of me running off somewhere and etc,
leaving her halfway, roaming around on her own.
-omg! ii feel so bad.-
anyways, today really spent all of her time tu be wif her.
really enjoy spending tym out wif her.
although ii cann only see her buying her stuff, while ii cann only window shopp.
-well the fun part is not bout the buying of stuffs, its the company that eu hab.-
anyways, went wif her tu gate 13 tu look fer her brother, den down tu bugis tu shopp.
den bout 4plus 5, went back tu look fer her brother.
saw ken dher too.
-well he seem much better and happier den last tym (honestly)-
pei them fer their lunch before mel and ii headed tu raffles city tu "shop" more.
mel left earlier den xpected, so ii headed down tu find joyce over at acid.
spent some time over at acid den went off fer more shopping.
_____________________________________________

mel drove over tu cityhall dher tu pick me up.
so nice of him. *lovesloves*
we headed down tu bugis fer more "shopping" but in teh end gott nothing.
but lyk ii said, its the company that counts, its not the buyin of stuff.
ok. den we headed back tu put our stuff den headed out fer dinner wif his family at Lau Ba Sa.
den now over at his place. did part of my project stuffs, but going slp soon.
continuing it tml. well, that's life though. =)
______________________________________________

ok. heading fer bed now. nites!

28th Nov 2008

2008-11-28T15:47:00.003+08:00

OMG!!OMG!!OMG!!OMG!!OMG!!OMG!!OMG!!OMG!!OMG!!

____________________________________________

guess who ii saw jus now??!!

SERENE OW!! and Ms Tan S.L

guess where?

Orchard, Paragon.

ii was laughing my ass off till mel almost kicked my ass.
____________________________________________

okok. ii better stop blogging and eat.

eating at the central at taka wif mel.

*loves*
____________________________________________

27th Nov 2008

2008-11-27T13:05:00.002+08:00

____________________________________________
mel was really sweet today.
he sent me tu sch. -he's the other person tt besides my parents and bus captain tu send me tu sch.-
anyways, ii really appreciate it. *loves*
____________________________________________

ok.now having luch break in sch.
lesson begins at 2pm today which will last till 6pm.
-sighs- CDS day today for me.
yea! tml should be going tu ARENA's sale.
supposed tu go ytd, but cus of mel's work ending late, too bad, didnt go.
____________________________________________

tagg board replies:

>mark : yea, ii'm getting better.what's the event on sat? ii'm norts sure if ii'm able to make it though. i'll try. =)
_____________________________________________

okok. better go mit up wif my classmates now.
-neh- aint gonna eat. norts much time left anyways.

*winks* cya!
_____________________________________________

26 Nov 2008

2008-11-26T10:08:00.003+08:00

_________________________________________
last nites had dinner over at mel's hse.
dinner wasnt so bad, wasnt as nice as grandma's though. -oops-
anyways, spent sometime over dher.
did a lil bit of projects here and dher.
and mel saw my blogg. -shouldnt hab opened it up-
well, he asked wad was it tt ii mentioned in an earlier post on "using harsh words" and "doing things tt ii dint like".
ii actually forgotten, really.
why?
cus ii dun wan tu be remembered of the unhappy past.
"it's reality," mel told me.
but the problem with me is tt,
ii prefer tu live in a world of dreams;a world of fantasies.
______________________________________________

anyways, ii really thank mel tu be by my side everytime.
ii really do hope my attention spend fer him will not be short.
cus ii really wann tu be with him forever.
ii really wann tu kip away those unhappiness of my dark past.
and ii'm changing something,
my ridiculous smoking habit.
he's the motivation tt makes me wann tu do this.
and ii do hope it'd be successful this time around.
______________________________________________

ii love boo.boo lots. and ii wann tu prove boo.boo tt wif him as a motivation and my strength, ii'm able tu stop.
______________________________________________

24th Nov 2008

2008-11-24T16:11:00.002+08:00

* very muchies thanks tu mel_ho who taught me something new*
**lovesloves eu lots**

___________________________________________________

anyways, the decision in my heart is set tu be final.
-yesh, ii've made a decision-
it is all thanks tu him on the other nites for helping me made up that decision so fast.
it doesnt hurt, cus ii dun love him as muchies as ii love bh.
-and yesh, ii'm a evil girl.-
___________________________________________________

taggboard:

>diia : meimei. happy being able tu tok tu eu once agains. XD

>kittyn : ii noe eu will always "loubetches" me. <3

>mark : thanks alots. :)
___________________________________________________

all ii noe now is tt,
because ii followed my heart and my happiness want me to go,
I'M VERY HAPPY and BLESSED now.
___________________________________________________

19 Nov 2008 part 2

2008-11-19T16:09:00.002+08:00

i dun noe.
the feeling is all different now.
ii just get so pissed off with him fer even lil things.
sometimes, i would wan him tu put himself in my shoes.
tink and feel how ii would tink and feel.
ii'm so tired out rites now.
he so lyk jus f*** care my feelings nowadays.
ii noe ii should understand his work situation,
but not to this extend, please.
ii'm not his nanny or what-so-ever.
oh. the feeling is just so crap.
________________________________________

i should jus disappear,
and make no one feel hurt.
guess the one tt will only feel hurt is me.
cus rites now,
it's all shattering into pieces once agains.
and the pain would be unbearable if i cant let it all out.
@#$%^&*()
i jus need to cry it out tis tym,
but i cant.
________________________________________

save me someone.
pry my heart open and freeze it,
so i will love no one no more.

19Nov 2008

2008-11-19T01:30:00.002+08:00

ii jus got tu decide, dont ii?
ii cant jus be sitting on the fence all day long, right?
if would have a choice, ii would want tu disappear.
wouldnt it just make things easier?
_________________________________________________

ii'm sick and tired of looking after eu.
ii dun feel the love and concern tt eu give.
ii dun feel lyk eur girl anymore, eu understand?
_________________________________________________

what's wrong wif eu?
eu noe bout him while he doesnt.
ii practically noe tt ii love eu more than him,
and ii bet eu cann feel it too.
but why do eu hab tu use harsh words on me?
why do eu hab eu make me do things tt ii hate to?
_________________________________________________

yesh. ii noe ii'm avoiding the problem now.
but ii do slightly believe in karma.
ii dun wann the same thing tu happen tu me jus lyk wad ii did.
ii noe ii got tu make a decision fast.
someone's gotta be hurt.
and ii'm sure it's gonna be neither one of them.
cus ii rather the person tu be hurt is me.
_________________________________________________

let me be the one broken-hearted.

9th November 2008

2008-11-09T14:21:00.002+08:00

love trap.

2guys,N and M, plus 1girl.

N is a guy ii've known recently, and M is another guy that ii've known fer quite sometime back.

N is a really understanding guy. but most of his tym is dedicated to his work and ii would spend most of my tym trying tu meet him up.ii understand his job scope, ii know what he is doing, but ii got the insecurity feeling when ii'm wif him.ii always tend tu think of the negative side of his doing, never the positive side. funny thing is that, i trust him.

M is a really nice guy. he is shuai, is jus tt his bod is gone case. recently we jus got into contact agains and hab been spending most of my time wif him. he would take the initative to come find me even though he stays pretty far. he's been really nice to bring me out fer dinner/movie.

deciding between N and M is kinda difficult cus both hab their different points. i dont know. the deciding factor is difficult. ii nid someone tu tok to.

one thing tt M doesnt know is that ii do do the thing tt he wouldnt lyk me tu do. the one thing tt N doesnt know is tt the close-ness ii'm tu M.

ARGH!! everything's so wrong. ii noe ii cant take both. it will hurt them as much as it would hurt me. how ii wish all of this would never had happened.
_____________________________________________________

school's been great so far. but ii hab event after event to do. now staying home, being a "good" girl. then tonites will be going tu grand's hse fer dinner. miss grandma alots. haven seen her fer lyk ages because of my events and stuff.
_____________________________________________________

haven been hanging out wif kittyn and nina fer pretty long tym. seems tt things hab started to fade between us. ii dun noe. but jus hab the feeling. -yeayea,ii'm superb sensitive.but so what?-
_____________________________________________________

now ii nid tu sort my own personal things out. ii dun noe. but ii'm afraid my schoolwork will be affected by it. ii do hope to really settle down soon fer this semester.

3 Novemeber 2008

2008-11-03T14:02:00.002+08:00

its been long time since ii've blog.-hahas-

anyways. now in class. BCS. quite sians though.-lols-

ok.been really busy over the week sho no time at all tu blog xcept tu reply tu taggs on tagg board.

last week went out till quite late everyday, plus friday had D&D, sho quite busy and stuff. -happening if some may say.-

hab tu listen tu class now.

bye.XD

24 October 2008

2008-10-24T19:52:00.002+08:00

heyo guys!!

sch's really busy so didnt hab the ime tu come blogg.

my badd.

anyways, wont be ardfer the nxt few days.

anything cann sms me though and hopefully ii cann reply tu eur msgs.

________________________________________________

anyways, no matter how busy ii'm in sch, i'll always take time out tu spend time wif him.

lyk now. its sho fun. bu ii do hope the fun doesnt die out sho soon.

well, ii dun noe how things will last wif him. hopefully long enuff.

honestly, ii still miss the B guy.

he's really been sho nice and understanding and accommodating tu me.

no matter where he's been, ii still love him alots.

_______________________________________________________

okay. tink will end here.

more updates soon, ii promise.

and it'll definately be after my trip out of the mainland.

loves eu guys. *muacks*

21october2008

2008-10-21T20:43:00.002+08:00

hahas.back tu blog fer a lil while.

at stephy's hse rites now.

slacking.hahas.

nothing tu do mahs. -lols-

________________________________________________

keays. ii tink ii've really fall in love wif tt guy.

yeas. gan jiong spider when he dun reply my msg. made me sho hungry after being gan jiong. -lols-

________________________________________________

ending blog here. blog another time.

cya. lovesloves.

-update on sch another day.-

17 October 2008

2008-10-17T19:39:00.002+08:00

back agains.

a friend is leaving fer tioman tonites. wont be back till a couple of days later.

will be lonely fer the nxt couple of days. -wait.-

no ii wont be. -hahas- ii still hab kittyn and nina.

-yeah- will be spending tym tgt wif them tml evening all the way tu the nxt day. -shiok-

___________________________________________________

treasure. hmm. treasure those who are ard. well, ii do treasure those who are ard.

really. ii do. all my friends are equilevent tu my loved ones.

including the one going tu tioman tonites.

____________________________________________________

well. nxt week will be my turn norts tu be on mainland.

will be heading tu KUSU ISLAND wif a small grp of team mates of lifesaving.

-nehs.- norts tu enjoy life dher. is do do volunteering lifeguard duty dher.

tis week actually can go but decided norts too cus ii dun wann tu burn out my last holiday weekend doing duty. -hahas-

_____________________________________________________

miss friends in sch. had bbq wif a couple of them. cus lot couldnt make it.

care person ms goh was dher too. and luckily she was dher cus lots of us had questions tu ask and the besh person tu ask was ms goh herself.

_____________________________________________________

my CDS fer nxt sem will be :-

1. S'pore Law
2. Public Speaking

thinking of droppiing one.but seen timetable still quite okay leis.

but ii still wan my FRENCH!!

going tu appeal on monday wif kev. if unsuccessful, will continue tu take the above 2 mentioned den ii cann quickly finish up my CDS citeria. -muahahas-

____________________________________________________

more will be updated guys. no hurry. -wait- got tu hurry cus when sch starts, NO MORE TIME!!

15 Oct 2008

2008-10-15T14:47:00.002+08:00

4 more days till the end of the holidays.

looking forward towards next week as ii cann be back wif my 1H12 agains. -love them lots-

however, norts looking forward tu next week as ii cant sleep in agains. -sians-

_____________________________________________

fell in love agains. but FEAR.

scared too fast. unable tu control. falling into a never ending hole.

ii tot my heart turned icy cold. but he made the ICE melt once agains.

was told tu treasure wad ii hab in front of me before it slips away.

tu find the right answer before ii start searching fer the answer.

FEAR. ii dun wann the answer jus yet.

the higher the hope is, the greater the pain.

one more hurt like tt, my heart will freeze forever.

________________________________________________

i'll never forget how ii hurt eu.

never forget the past, never treated lyk nothing had happened.

though ii've learnt tu let go, but the past has been engraved in my heart.

ii jus wann eu tu be happy, and not tu hurt eurself in anyways.

trust is hard to earn, but losing it and wanting tu earn the lost trust back, it is 100% more difficult then jus earning someone's trust.

ii jus hope tt eu'll be happy once agains.

________________________________________________

been really busy. ytd is the point in time when ii had the most fun and period of sadness at the same time.

did the freaking foolish thing agains. thinking should ii meet the group.

scared will get wacked in the head, especially from mel ho and banana.

_________________________________________________

will update soon. loves y'all.

8 October 2008

2008-10-08T22:27:00.002+08:00

what more cann ii say??...

we're back together agains.
andddd........................

I'M SUPER HAPPY!!!

thanks peeps fer pulling us back together.

been busy.very busy.
updates soon.promise.

22nd September 2008

2008-09-22T11:09:00.002+08:00

thanks tu those who thinks we may get better.

but ii really doubt so.
the harsh words ii heard ytd,
it hurts really badly.
was wanting tu do something really stupid,
was doing it too,
until something struck my mind.
ii really cant do it.

ii only know that my lil heart has been hurt,
andd tt eur lil heart oso has been hurt.
the scar left behind will never heal.
it will always remain wif us.

21st September 2008

2008-09-21T16:18:00.002+08:00

words.

too many words in mind.
those words are waiting to explode.
but to whom?

secrets.

we're no longer there fer each other anymore.
we can no longer tell each other our secrets anymore.
our serets are kept within ourselves.

love.

to whom are the love passed on to?
who is/are the person/people we really love?

trust.

i've lost eur trust.
never agains will it return.
now,
who do eu and i trust?
no one will really noe.

past.

we were friends.
closer then anyone imagined.

present.

we're losing each other's company.
afraid to kip in contact.
who to blame?

future.

will we still be in contact?
will we still be friends?
will we still care fer each other?
who will know?

17th September 2008

2008-09-17T15:50:00.003+08:00

ii'm sorry.
things werent meant tu be till lyk tt.
if only everything could be rewinded.
it happens only because ii wouldnt care less,
because ii cared too much.
but now,
ii've let everything down/go,
only wanting them tu get back tgt once agains.
and now,
ii've learnt tu care less,
tu not even tu step in.

only tu apologise fer losing eur trust.
ii'm sorry.

15ht September 2008 (2)

2008-09-15T14:57:00.002+08:00

part 2

sorry if eur trust aint wif me anymore.
ii cant do anything much.
if eu tink tt way, all ii cann say ii'm sorry
'cus ii aint wad eu tink ii'm.

eu've known me fer long,
a year or so ii may say.
eu may say it's short,
or eu may say it's long,
ii dun gib another damn about it,
if eu kip tinking tt way.

ii wont hurt my friend.
ii'm jus a messenger,
a postman.
e hurt ii feel, ii get,
eu will never understand,
NEVER,
'cus eu aint me.

eu've never been in my shoes.
a thing eu'll never know.
a thing eu may take fer granted fer,
a thing eu may never noticed.

if one day ii'm gone,
eu'll never be able tu find me,
the me tt eu've initally known.
gone wif the wind,
gone wif the sound.
gone up tu heaven,
gone down tu hell.

pls dun look fer me,
look fer someone else.

15th September 2008

2008-09-15T14:52:00.003+08:00

stay in the darkness, knowing nothing would be best.
knowing too much, sinks to the bottom of the sea.
stressed out.pressure.cann take it no more.

a hermid crab one should be.knowing nothing much,
only knowing what is necessary.
too tired to say more.too tired too care more.

jus wishing tu disappear once and for all.
pls,dun look fer me anymore.

10th September 2008

2008-09-10T21:04:00.003+08:00

hahas. >_<

my results fer xams are out!! andd guess wad??!!

nope!ii didnt fail anything though ii almost flunk one(1).

anyways ii passed all of my subjects andd yessh ii no nid tu go back fer supp paper.-wahahahas-

hm...anyways, ii did well fer nationals open water though.from 17 people ii got into the top final 10. andd ii gotten first... -yessh,first....-

...tu be kicked out of the finals....-lols-
ahha! ii told nina tt too andd eu've gott tu look at her face tu know..
she was uber stunned in the face. -yessh, ii'm baaaaaddddd.-

anyways, after finals went tu catch AVRIL LAVIGNE's concert: THE BEST DAMN TOUR -got tu thank amos wu's wife fer letting go of the tickets at $45/- each.-

anyways,was funn. though it only lasted fer an hour of seeing avril lavigne.-she sang 17 songs in an hour!!-

after concert, nina andd ii wanted tu head fer dinner but was afraid tt unable tu catch the last buss home thus instead of going army market dher the food centre or geylang tu eat, we headed back tu PRATA HSE -or wad junxiang andd gang usually say, ATA HSE.- munched and drank dher, den headed home on the last 43.

cann say it was uber fun but if kittyn went along,... it would be a zillion tym uber funn.-too bad cus amos's wife only had 2tickets- well ii felt bad bout kittyn norts being dher wif us, sho...

nina andd ii got her a souvinor from the concert: a packet of avril's badges andd a handphone strap(dhey gave it out fer free andd proudly sponsored by NOKIA)

stop here fer now.going CHINA BLAZE tu mit up god-dad tgt wif mum.

-tata- lovesloves ya'll.

31 August 2008

2008-08-31T15:16:00.002+08:00

today marks the end of August. -yea me fer posting on the last day of August.-

anyways, eu babes and hunks may wonder why am ii blogging at such a tym.

yessh. ii jus completed all my events for the 31st Nationals Lifesaving. andd yessh, ii didnt win medals, but ii hab won EXPERIENCE from tis whole event. -cant say whole cus the competition is still on going but ii'm blogging here, at mother's office.-

competition was great. its been 5/6 years since ii hab been in a competition, competing. really shagged rites now. slept only fer -let me see...hmm.- 3-4hrs or sho. all thanks tu my greediness of wanting tu hab more fun ytd.

anyways, ytd went back tu sch in the afternoon -let me repeat, AFTERNOON- fer some last minute catch up tu do fer today's event. andd ii got a very hurting, -ii repeat, HURTING- sun-burn or in nicer words, tanned. the results of tanning in sch ish great, but the after effects of NOT putting on sunblock lotion and umpteen times of poning trainings, including beach trainings, ish norts very nice -let me repeat, NOT VERY NICE- it hurts though ii'm wearing 2(two) layers of clothing.

after training, went fer korkor's BBQ which luckily was nearby sch, Paris Ris Park, which only took me about 30-45mins of bus ride andd walking. -yessh,ii'm mad fer tinking 30-45mins bus ride and walking ish short- anyways, enjoyed myself dher till 7pm den made mother drive me tu jurong east mrt, cus she was heading dher anyways, sho that ii could take the train tu Tiong Bharu tu head tu mamak Gary's hse -mamak is UNCLE in tamil- saw the whole of mamak's family, was very big indeed, andd saw my 2(two) insanely mad god-brothers and lil sister. drank different mixtures of drinks, from Lager Beer(calsburg) to Chivas and coke to Red and White wines. nice drinking wif families though.-hahas, cus they dun care wad ii drink cus ii'm officially LEGAL tu drink and walk into any pubs at anytime.

left mak's place bout 1(?) den headed tu korkor's hse tu collect food that was left over from the BBQ. sat dher, watched a lil tv programme den left fer home. by the time ii reached home and bathe and stuff, it was already 3plus. sho jus headed tu bed. slp was sho nice till dad came tu wake me up tu change andd head tu the competition venue. -tsk.tsk.alarm setting=NO USE-

when dher, headed fer the pool, warmed up wif the rest and competition started. and the story goes on and on and on. -too long-winded already.tsk.tsk.tsk.-

sho now sitting in mother's office, awaiting fer her ROYAL HIGHNESS tu arrive andd do her necessary stuff, den we'll head tu grand's hse fer dinner. -its been a long tym since ii've seen grandmama and grandpapa-

will stop here fer now. I WAN TO TAKE MY REST!

-tata-
lovesloves

28th August 2008

2008-08-28T13:50:00.002+08:00

ii'm back andd full of nonsense.-bleh-

anyways, yessh babes, xams are finally over as of TODAY! honestly, ii fucked all my papers up xcept fer F&B cus really had tym tu study fer tt paper. e rest ish lyk, OMFG!, no tym tu study and prepare andd all. -andd yessh, ii'm full of shit.no wonder kittyn andd ii can click.-bleh-

okiess yesh. and nw after xams are over, by right ii rightfully hab my rest, by left I HAB A COMPETITON COMING UP ON THE 31st. -yessh.shit! andd no rest.fuck- tml hab tu go down fer a lil last minute training cus ii'm in fer a 100m manikin swim wif fins. -ii totally dislike manikins- anyways, that's fer still waters. fer open waters, ii hab beach flag andd ii dun noe wad the fuck ish tt supposed tu be.

okayy.enuff of shit andd crapp. all ii wann now ish my REST! ii'm lyk a walking zombie rites now. ii could jus lie anywhere andd fall soundly asleep.

andd yesh, tml's TERACHER'S DAY.

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY TO ALL TEACHERS IN SINGAPORE!

well, tis teachers' day ii miss the most is a lil missy who had taught me longlong tym ago. ii dun noe where she's been. but ii do hope she's doing well or better off now. ii really miss her though. the last ii saw her was when ii was 11yrs old. ii cann say she's the best teacher ii've ever been wif besides 3-4other teachers ii've been wif. in a blink of an eye, 7yrs without that lil missy ard andd ii'm still missing her.really badly. ii really do hope she's alrites. -god bless her kind soul- god as in all different religious' god.

anyways,enuff of sadd-sadd story. as ii promised, ii'll hab pictures coming up. but nort sho soon. still hab tu wait though. -hahas.tt's e result of norts having a camm.-

blogg till here fer nw. byeess darh-lings.

lovesloves

23th August 2008

2008-08-23T15:07:00.004+08:00

ii'm studying really hard.ii wann tu pass all subjects, even if ii cant get a GPA of 3.5

nxt paper that ish coming up is econs. ii really dislike that subject though. lots of tinking tu do. kills more brain cells than hitting eur head. -hitting eur head kills only 26brain cells- ii tink ii've lots 26*a zillion brain cells from studying econs.

ii gotta work hard though. anyone in any other sch hab paper starting at 7pm? lols.ii hab. it sucks, somemore in cold air-conditioned klas rm. -gosh!what are these xaminators tinking about!!-

tml maybe will study under the usual block. maybe will ask kittyn and hannya out tu pei me, and of course including wan. -norts the bsc's wan, but another wan.-

ok. lovesloves. ending here now. hab tu study!!

jiayou tu all in TP taking eur xams. =D

especially my most adorable klas, 1H12.

18th August 2008

2008-08-18T19:40:00.004+08:00

hellos. back. lovesloves.

study week this week.nxt week having xaminations.ii gotta jiayou. haven study a single shit yet. ii'm gonna be dead by the end of the whole xaminations.

a whole week of drama going on. its norts on me or happen tu anyone really. but it was on kittyn's blog. dunno which damn idiot keep saying bout her and stuff. kinda pissed off anyways. they like no sense of...-hm,what should i say?norts sure.hehes-

anyway. pls treat someone the way eu wann others tu treat eu. dun be such a bastard or wad. ii dun lyk this kind of ppl. ii totally hate them. they think they sho big shot,-well kittyn aint one, fer all ii noe, cus she's really nice.lovesloves- and they think they cann treat anyone the way they wann tu becus they dun really hab any feelings as they are really cold blooded. -ii'm norts cold blooded, ish jus my heart is a lil black anyhows.-

okok!! no link at all!

gosh!! ii'm getting from bad tu worse.someone pls save me. ii dun wann get stuck fer life in NOVI's NO LINK CLUB!! -fyi,novi ish the president of no link club.-

ARGH! gotta study fast and hard!

got tu go.chaos nw babes.

13 August 2008

2008-08-13T17:20:00.003+08:00

LAST PRESENTATION AND ALL PROJECTS ARE OVER!

fianlly. a fresh breather fer all. [g, double o, d, j, o, b. GOOD JOB!]

tu all grps, especially mine, GOOD JOB! things couldnt be done without eu guys!

after presentation, the two remaining grps camwhore lyk nobody's business.-muahahas-

waiting fer becca andd maisie tu send the photos over.

jus wait fer e photos tu do the talking.

lovesloves ya'll.

11 August 2008

2008-08-07T20:47:00.007+08:00

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE DATED TODAY!! 11AUGUST 2008

-cann eu see the (double) rainbow?-

-loves my IHT tutor, MR PRAS!!-

finally back to blogging. projects are OFFICALLY OVERRR!! now left wif one last presentation.

nw sitting between lts 18 and 19. slacking time away until econs start. wif the grp, stephy,kevon and min. tgt wif john and jj. beside us is e emo gang, shangwei, "qing-qing", maisie, rebecca, annabel and jolene.

ii today will be SUPER guai. go back tu training today! yes, and coach will sure nagg at me. -whatever! ii dun care.- muahhahas.tt's me.

lots of stuff tu update. but wont do it today. will be soon, babes, soon.

gtg nw. hab tu write out my script fer wed's presentation.

WATCH THIS SPACE FER UPDATES!!

4th August 2008

2008-08-04T09:09:00.002+08:00

shagg! very shagg. ii may lose my temper today. dun get angry pls. body not functioning properly due to lack of slp fer the past two nites. both nites were because of project. haven finish project, during camp never slp much. last nites after camp was totally shagg, but hab tu complete everything today sho neber slp. total shagg.

hab trials today.dun tink will be going.body not in full,proper condition now.how tu do trials? sure lack lyk shit.

msged allen but no reply yet. maybe jus bring my gears fer incase ii wann tu go down fer trials at the last minute.

nw, ii jus wanna slp!!!zzzZZ but hab sch. 11am is commskills andd hab trial presentation. hab tu go. jus skipped lecture. nw still home. ii cann see my bed. wanna lie on it andd slp. l8r at 2 hab another presentation tu do, Econs. shagg! ii'm shagg. will fall sick eventually.

KILL me someone, sho ii dun hab tu suffer lyk tt. this may not be the worst, but e tension nw is totally wreakage.

1 August 2008

2008-08-01T18:58:00.002+08:00

BOOO!! ii'm back! finally a breather from projects. last project tu go. -jiayou! my babes and hunk-

tml will be going fer camp. -yesh. BSC camp- ii'm in their sub-comm now. muahahas.

note tu my babes and hunk:
sorry left eu guys tu complete e F&B project ytd. my bad. thanks fer what eu guys hab done. really, greatly appreciated. the last lap is here. lets finish this last lap tgt andd ii promise ii wont leave eu guys tu finish tis race alone. -cross my heart-

further updates will be done when ii get back from camp. stay tuned.