26 September 2006
looking thru lionel richie's song
i noe how he feels...
i really noe...
i noe that even thou all doors hab closed fer mie
there will always be a hidden door
where i hab tu use my heart tu find
jux opened fer mie
waiting fer miie tu enter...
yes, i do miss the times we had together
i really badly wan those times again..
but does he noe that a broken heart ish really difficult tu mend??
well wad's there tu be mend when "my heart wasnt whole tu start wif"
it was smashed into thousand million pieces many times
but he didnt noe it at all
wad else more is there tu be said??
but i really really dunch hate him now..
really...
i wish i could re-wind time...
back tu those times where nothing has happened before
where we're always finding time tu keep each other company
no matter wad
but now...
there is hardly time...
even if there is time...
i would never wan tu step back into that place unless necessary
what i hate ish not the person who scolds miie actually
but ish those ppl who backstabbed miie
tu tink that i actually trust them...
ppl may think that i'm silly on why dunch i hate the person who scolded miie
my reason:
the person who scolded miie cares alot fer miie
if he dunch scold miie and let miie noe where i hab gone wrong
i may fall into a hole...
so deep that i cant climb out at all
at least now it is a shallow hole...
i'm able tu climb out and noe my mistake
once bitten twice shy
i will tink twice bout ppl before telling them everything...
>>i dunch mean those that i totally trust now
but nxt time...
really...i will definately think twice...
15:13
25 September 2006
it hurts miie
really alot alot
especially he say that ish it meaning that we cant meet anymore??
it hurts
thou i say i hate him tu derx core jux the other day
but he means alot in my life...
if without him
by today i'm already GROUNDED FER LIFE!!
not only that
he let me noe wad love ish all about ( cant disclose more )
it really hurts
really really very painful
but does he understand??
why he tinks that if i'm wif boon i'll never wan tu meet him again??
HURTING, but does he understand??
i think he will never
if i really dunch wan tu see him or tok tu him again,
why would take the initiative tu msg him first??
why??
why would i??
why? why? why?
really that other day i told myself i dunch wan tu tok tu him
dun wan tu see him again...
but i cant bear myself tu do so
that's whty despite wad i've said
i still did msg him out of concern...
but will he understand tis point??
i doubt it
i really doubt it
cos if he really did
he wouldnt hab asked miie that question today...
i jux hope he would understand miie that way i hab tried tu understand him
but nethertheless
if i dunch change my ways
pls take it that he has lost a precious daughter
and that tis daughter of his has been gone
i dunch wan tu embarass him again
i dunch wan others tu tink bad bout him
not being a good "father"
i rather that they tink bad of miie only...
thinking that i'm a brat cos i'm never going tu trust those ppl again...
ya i'm a brat so wad??
BIG DEAL??!!
eu other guys are backstabbers
betrayers
i will never going tu trust eu all again...
ever again!!
i'm jux another SPOLIT BRAT!!
22:22
trying tu forget
totally forget
it really hurt me alot...
fancy habing someone that eu think that eu trust betraying eu
it hurts
really
anyway...
ytd i was very happy
boon bought me a pair of shoes and a half jacket
both oso very xpensive
*touched*
he was supposed tu go meeet his friends fer dinner
but he pei me derx whole afternoon..
okioki...
not the whole afternoon but evenin...
but still i very touched.
cos actually told him no nid meet me ytd
but cos ytd i went out wif diia so cor him come out oso lorx
lols...
whatever it ish
i can tell myself honestly
if we become steady one day
i will treasure him..
i'm a materialistic girl
but i oso loook fer love...
no love got money
wad's the use??
boon has it all
the looks
the money
but most of all i hab feel fer him..
but even if we dunch go steady,
i noe that in tis world
fer a materialistic girl like mie
there ish going tu be a guy out there like him fer mie
and i'll be waiting
no matter how long it takes me...
14:58
23 September 2006
maybe...onli maybe..i will choose tu be wif boon..keays i admitt dat i chose tu be wif him ish because he's rich...but not onli he's rich den i m wantin tu be wif him...ytd told him how i felt fer him...i really felt love fer him...something i haven felt fer about 2 yrs...now jux hoping something dat will come out from his precious mouth...something only if the male side say ish better...i really am hoping...jux hoping fer my wish tu come true...i'm not desperate...i can wait...i will wait...jux hoping fer a right guy...today i oso very sad...he scolded miie...well his not scold basically...we had a tan pan session...yup...literally...the pain actually peirced thru my heart...it's so hurting...i couldnt control my tears..i did try...but in the end...i still couldnt...during the whole session i jux sat dher quietly,jux nodding, shaking my head as an answer tu him.i couldnt bring myself tu open my mouth tu tell him,i was afraid that the moment i open my mouthi would start scolding, cursing and swearing at him.the pain hurt so muchi couldnt bring my head up tu look into his eyes.quiet.hurt.anger.saddness.confused.betrayed.all of these i felt during one day,nono!!jux barely 1/2 hr.imagine that the ppl that eu think eu could trustin the end betrayed eu,backstabbed eu,hurt eu.all jux in 1/2 hr...how not more pain can eu feel then derx person giving eu a lashing telling eu that it "hurts me telling eu all these but its all fer eur own good"??dunch worry yii & diia..thou these ppl i cant trust,i still hab eu guys wif me that i noe that i can trust eu all.i will try tu ferget wad has happened fer that 1/2 hr and try tu ferget that person.i will try..i can do it...but nethertheless,he is someone who is still part of my life and part therefore..but believe mie now that i totally, totallyHATE HIM TU THE CORE!!I NEBER WOULD TRUST THE PEOPLE THERE ANYMORE!!I TOTALLY HATE THOSE PEOPLE!!TOTALLY!!
23:21
12 September 2006
Maybe i too will hab a happily ever after story of my own...difficult tu decide...here's my story:i've known 2 guys from work, 1 ish a lifeguard another ish my customer. strange as it seems, i've never dressed nicely in work but how come these guys are atrracted tu me?? my smile i put on during working hours? my laughter when i laugh wif my girlfriend annie??hmm...very strange... weihan seems tu be a nice guy so ish ah boon but, basically, i hardly noe these guys. okok...there's another guy too he's daniel, another lifeguard. he's cute and we really acted weird on sunday...when i look at him, he hid behind derx counter, when he look at me i turned away shyly;pretending tu go and wash the cups in the bar. daniel's cute. fine i admit that i kinda like him. but how do i face all these?? 3 guys leix...HELPP miie someone, anyone?? end of story.
today siya jie very sad...saw her cry first time somemore. i sad oso cos my jiejie or meimei sad i oso get affected too...i really wanna tu help her but all i could jux do ish not tu question her too much...LOVE WREAKED i mux say...fine will not say too much but my jiejie... jux wan tu tell siya jie that i as her meimei will always be there fer her.
18:56
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