26 October 2006
ii really really love my darling alot alot
but ii jux dunch understand why haven we been that close
ever since...
ii dunch noe when
really...
ii'm nort sure at all
ii'm really doubtful
hab things really changed??
or has it been always lidat??
ii tink dat ii'm jux a sub fer his ex
ii dunch unerstand him at all
he doesnt seem tu be the guy ii noe anymore
ii'm really hurting inside of mie
ii'm trying really hard on my side
ii'm trying tu understand him
ii noe dat he's working nowadays
but ii still hab tu put it tis way:
IF HE DOESNT EVEN FIND TIME NOWADAYS,
WAD WILL HAPPEN TU US WHEN HE GOES TU SWITZERLAND??
my heart paused fer a moment when ii asked myself tis question
many hab asked why did ii stead wif him when ii noe he will be leaving soon?
ii told them ii did so becos ii love him
and ii'll wait fer him
but now
even ii'm doubting myself
ii asked myself many times tis question b4 turning here
and everytime ii asked myself
ii would pause fer a long long time b4 answering myself
ii cant stop asking myself am ii jux his ex's subsitude
am ii jux a stand in??
darling...ii jux wan tu ask if eu still love miie e way eu do??
becos darling ii still do love eu as ever b4 and even more...
tears forming in my eyes,
rolling down my cheeks as ii type in here, uncontrollably.
taking every hour,
every minute,
every second;
jux tinking of him, e one that ii love so truly.
only if he knows,
only if he feels wad ii feels,
only if he tinks e same way as ii tink,
ii wouldnt be sitting here so miserably,
so confused, so worried.
wad if he doesnt noe,
wad if he doesnt feel e wad ii feel,
wad if he doesnt tink e way ii tink,
wad's e point of being miserable,
being so confused, and so worried fer??
ii feel like a fool
a fool who hasnt loved and felt loved fer a whole year
wantin love and after havin e person ii love
sitting here
typin all tis nonsense
tinking all e best would turn out
while doing nothing?
NO!! ii hab been typing messages after messages
but no longer do ii recieve those messages dat ii wished tu recieved
all ii wan ish tu be loved by e one ii love so dearly
ii dunch want tu be dumbfounded if ii was tu be asked e same question again
ii want tu tell everyone dat no matter how long he takes in Switzerland
ii'm going tu wait fer him bcos ii really truly love him
tu my darling:
ii love eu
and ii'm willing tu wait fer eu
no matter how long eu take
becos,
no one can replace eu in my heart
eu're e only one fer ling.
00:55
